Trump Announces ‘Solo War’ With Iran After NATO Ghosts His Evite
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
US Sanctions Tiny Chinese ‘Teapot’ Refinery, Citing Threat To Vast, Fragile Ego
In a bold new chapter of energy diplomacy, Washington has officially declared war on artisanal oil.
China Asks U.S. And Iran To Pause Hostilities While It Finishes Awkward Group Project
Diplomats confirm Beijing “really can’t deal with this fight right now” because it’s in the middle of having it both ways at historic scale.
Trump Claims Seized Iran Cargo Ship Was “Mystery Gift From China”
International Community Unsure Which Is Scarier: Escalating Tensions or His Re-Gift Policy
Trump Accuses China of ‘Regifting’ Iran, Demands Store Credit on Foreign Policy
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
US Navy Seizes Mysterious ‘Gift From China’ After Trump Plays Global Santa Tracker
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
China Denies Any Link to Mysterious Iranian Ship, Citing Long-Standing Policy of Not Knowing Anything About Anything
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
US Assures Nervous World That Iran Talks Are ‘Going Well,’ Defines ‘Well’ As ‘No One Has Tweeted Yet’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.