White House Says Iran Conflict Ended After Finding Congress Calendar Full
Officials described the decision as “constitutionally adjacent” and praised a new filing system that classifies wars as expired meetings.
White House Ends Iran Hostilities By Mailing Congress A Diplomatic Receipt
Officials said the operation achieved “paper-based de-escalation” after Congress was successfully exposed to a letter-shaped outcome.
White House Declines Iran Comment, Deploys Emergency Silence Coordinator
Officials said the non-response had been reviewed by lawyers, laminated, and placed between tariffs and “supreme court vibes” on the president’s crisis shelf.
Supreme Court Reclassifies Voting Rights Act As Optional Housekeeping Binder
The ruling reportedly allows Congress to continue functioning as a representative democracy-themed escape room.
House Speaker Johnson Declares U.S. Not at War with Iran, Appoints Committee to Study ‘What War Even Is’
In related news, the Senate has begun a panel to define breathing.