Trump Lowers Tariffs After Tractors Complete White House Loyalty Forms
The Senate reportedly asked whether a combine harvester can be subpoenaed if it refuses to thank the president.
White House Builds Tariff Menu With Sixty Countries And One Laminator
Aides said the U.K. requested a side of clarity and received a customs invoice instead.
Iowa Democrats Issue Two Official Senate Visions, Both Require Bifocals
State party staff reportedly labeled the plans “electability” and “also electability, but laminated.”
Nebraska Treats Senate Poll As Load-Bearing Federal Infrastructure
A new memo classifies undecided voters as temporary public works projects until they choose a bumper sticker.
White House Creates Doubt Index After Trump Reassesses Putin’s Peace Interest
The new form reportedly asks staff to rate Kremlin sincerity from “maybe” to “please stop making us laminate this.”
Supreme Court Declines Georgia PSC Case, State Prints Official Shrug Forms
Commission staff described the decision as a green light, then spent three hours locating the green light's rate schedule.
Beshear Endorsement Forces Kentucky Senate Race Into Paperwork Lockdown
Officials reportedly issued clipboards to undecided voters and asked them not to make eye contact with yard signs.
White House Drafts Octagon Protocol After Trump Calls Dana White Amazing
Aides reportedly classified the planned UFC visit as both a sporting event and a furniture threat.
Wisconsin Candidates Prepare To Debate Latest Poll After It Takes Lead
Campaigns are reserving a lectern for the margin of error, which remains undecided but confident.
Maine Senate Campaigns Declare Margin Of Error A Third Candidate
Both parties agreed the statistical figure had the best favorability because it had not yet spoken at a diner.