Trump Reportedly Ends Iran Conflict With Surprise ‘Handshake DLC’ Purchase From China
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Georgia Senate Polls Show Voters Narrowly Prefer Chaos With Free Shipping
As 2026 looms, the Peach State is once again split between democracy, vibes, and whatever Trump just posted about China at 3:11 a.m.
White House Briefly Considers Invading Ohio After Hearing About Carfentanil
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump Promises Historic US–Iran Deal ‘Within a Day or Two,’ Aides Ask ‘Which Day or Two?’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump’s Social Media Has Completed Its Journey From Quote Board to Gospel According to Algorithm
Experts say the transformation was gradual, like climate change, except this one still gets more Republican engagement.
Congress now treating presidential fitness like a group chat intervention with subpoenas.
Justices say innovative gaming system makes rights “more vibrant, less predictable.”
Sources say model claims 87% confidence chief of staff meets dragon by Q3.
Lawmakers shocked to learn BUSA Act does not, in fact, fund a space laser.
Architects say venue will still comfortably seat 800 donors and one enormous ego.