White House Prepares Colombia Policy With Giant Relationship Status Dropdown
Aides said “it’s complicated” remains available if Congress misplaces the binder again.
White House Replaces UFC Women’s Bouts With Ten-Minute Courtesy Hearings
The card now includes a Senate-style weigh-in where nobody makes weight but everyone issues a statement.
White House Requires Cuban Aid To Pass Through Approved Collection Plate
A draft memo reportedly classifies rice, medicine, and soap as eligible for salvation-adjacent handling.
Michigan Senate Poll Declares Itself Front-Runner, Demands Committee Seat
Campaigns now trail a spreadsheet with better name recognition and fewer restaurant opinions.
DFL Endorsement Triggers Statewide Laminating Protocol For Flanagan Senate Bid
The party reportedly prepared 14 backup podiums in case democracy requested a different font.
Congress Orders Texas Senate Polls Secured in Climate-Controlled Room
A House clerk reportedly labeled undecided voters as “liquid assets” and asked nobody to breathe near the crosstabs.
White House Establishes Vance Mockery Response Office After Leak
The new unit will determine whether each insult was strategic messaging, executive humor, or a personnel weather event.
White House Upgrades Trump’s Physical To Cabinet-Level Fitness Event
Staff were issued color-coded wellness lanyards after the doctor’s note achieved infrastructure status.
White House Memo Declares Trump Healthy Enough To Outlive Printer Toner
The wellness update reportedly received a cleaner rollout than most subpoenas.
Trump Threatens Kennedy Center With Congress Until It Learns Branding
The proposed handoff would let the Senate rename the opera house by unanimous consent, or several televised lunches.