Trump Endorsement Forces Iowa GOP To Install Governor-Sized Loyalty Stamp
The White House reportedly labeled the endorsement “agricultural infrastructure” after the Senate office laminator jammed.
Alabama Schedules Special Primary After Map Successfully Completes Obstacle Course
The approved districts were issued tiny lanyards and warned not to wander into Congress.
Skill Games Ask Supreme Court Whether Losing Primary Was Playable
Judges are expected to decide whether a losing campaign counts as a malfunction, a feature, or a lobbyist refund.
Congress Requests Ukraine Missiles Through Nation’s Most Complicated Office Printer
The new form reportedly requires three signatures, a court citation, and toner approval from a man named Doug.
White House Drafts Courtside Succession Plan For Possible Trump Knicks Visit
Madison Square Garden has reportedly been asked to distinguish between national security and a celebrity row seat with cupholders.
White House Issues Cage-Side Seating Chart For Birthday Governance
The protocol office reportedly classified the octagon as a temporary briefing room with more defensible corners.
Trump Puts Iran Deal On Midterm Yard-Sign Approval Schedule
Negotiators were told enriched uranium polls poorly in the suburbs unless paired with a school-board mailer.
Illinois Legislature Honors Durbin With Ceremonial 44-Year Roll Call
Clerks issued commemorative patience badges after the first 600 names were read into a microphone nobody adjusted.
Alabama Asks Justices To Approve Map With Built-In GOP Lane
State lawyers reportedly labeled the disputed district lines “heritage squiggles” and placed them in a velvet binder.
White House Moves Camp David Meeting After Iran Peace Forms Request Fluorescents
The mountains reportedly failed a readiness inspection after producing one lectern and zero laminated escape arrows.