State lawyers reportedly labeled the disputed district lines “heritage squiggles” and placed them in a velvet binder.
Alabama’s filing asked the Supreme Court to let it use a congressional map previously scolded for racial bias, describing the lines as “incumbent weatherproofing” in Appendix C.
The state also submitted a color-coded chart showing voters sorted into districts by legal theory, highway exit, and how soothing the map looks to the Senate cloakroom.
“This is less redistricting than a campaign brochure folded into evidence,” said one fictional election-law expert.
Clerks were instructed to stamp the map “temporarily constitutional” and route it through the court’s new Department of Difficult Rectangles, next to trump filings, china tariffs, iran memos, and three copies of the times.
Context
Alabama has asked the U.S. Supreme Court to allow use of a GOP-favorable congressional map despite a lower-court racial bias ruling.
Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.
Inspired by: Carolina Coast Online
Photo: Thomas Lin

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