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Alabama Asks Justices To Approve Map With Built-In GOP Lane

The United States Capitol building dome against a blue sky in Washington, DC, architectural landmark.The United States Capitol building dome against a blue sky in Washington, DC, architectural landmark.The United States Capitol building dome against a blue sky in Washington, DC, architectural landmark. Credit: Thomas Lin Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/united-states-capitol-building-under-the-sky-4488457/

State lawyers reportedly labeled the disputed district lines “heritage squiggles” and placed them in a velvet binder.

Alabama’s filing asked the Supreme Court to let it use a congressional map previously scolded for racial bias, describing the lines as “incumbent weatherproofing” in Appendix C.

The state also submitted a color-coded chart showing voters sorted into districts by legal theory, highway exit, and how soothing the map looks to the Senate cloakroom.

“This is less redistricting than a campaign brochure folded into evidence,” said one fictional election-law expert.

Clerks were instructed to stamp the map “temporarily constitutional” and route it through the court’s new Department of Difficult Rectangles, next to trump filings, china tariffs, iran memos, and three copies of the times.

Context

Alabama has asked the U.S. Supreme Court to allow use of a GOP-favorable congressional map despite a lower-court racial bias ruling.

Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.

Inspired by: Carolina Coast Online

Photo: Thomas Lin

June Wexler

ByJune Wexler

June Wexler writes satirical dispatches from the imaginary nerve center of American political disorder. A fictional contributor to Political Chaos, June focuses on campaigns, Congress, and the bureaucratic art of making simple problems historic.

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