Trump Lowers Tariffs After Tractors Complete White House Loyalty Forms
The Senate reportedly asked whether a combine harvester can be subpoenaed if it refuses to thank the president.
White House Builds Tariff Menu With Sixty Countries And One Laminator
Aides said the U.K. requested a side of clarity and received a customs invoice instead.
Treasury Prints Menu After U.S. Adds Tariffs To 60 Economies
The Senate requested a clearer list, preferably one that did not require a folding chair and a cartographer.
Iowa Democrats Issue Two Official Senate Visions, Both Require Bifocals
State party staff reportedly labeled the plans “electability” and “also electability, but laminated.”
Nebraska Treats Senate Poll As Load-Bearing Federal Infrastructure
A new memo classifies undecided voters as temporary public works projects until they choose a bumper sticker.
White House Creates Doubt Index After Trump Reassesses Putin’s Peace Interest
The new form reportedly asks staff to rate Kremlin sincerity from “maybe” to “please stop making us laminate this.”
U.S. Demands Self-Driving Cars Stop Letting China Merge
A new interagency memo classifies hesitation at four-way stops as a foreign policy vulnerability.
Senate Issues Talking Permit After Iran Threatens To Stop Talking
The new form must be stamped before any nation may pause diplomacy, resume diplomacy, or glare near diplomacy.
Beshear Endorsement Forces Kentucky Senate Race Into Paperwork Lockdown
Officials reportedly issued clipboards to undecided voters and asked them not to make eye contact with yard signs.
White House Drafts Octagon Protocol After Trump Calls Dana White Amazing
Aides reportedly classified the planned UFC visit as both a sporting event and a furniture threat.