Treasury Prints Menu After U.S. Adds Tariffs To 60 Economies
The Senate requested a clearer list, preferably one that did not require a folding chair and a cartographer.
White House Weighs Bricklin Revival As Official Tariff Escape Vehicle
A fictional draft memo classifies gull-wing doors as “bilateral market access panels.”
Treasury Prepares Tiny Ribbon-Cutting For Reopened Strait Of Hormuz
Officials warned prosperity could arrive before the ceremonial scissors clear customs.
Wall Street Files Ceasefire Extension As Approved Inflation Distraction
Traders were reminded that record highs must be stamped before anyone opens the PCE envelope.
White House Keeps Tariffs As Trade Agreement’s Decorative Border Wall
The pact will reportedly be honored in the traditional way: framed, ignored, and billed to customs.
China Offers Tariff Relief in the Form of a Blank Clipboard
Agriculture officials were told soybeans may celebrate once Beijing releases the celebratory paperwork template.
Mortgage Rates Reclassified As National Security Briefing After Iran Jitters
The Fed reportedly issued lenders laminated threat levels ranging from “preapproved” to “move back in with your parents.”
Trump, Xi Agree Tariffs Can Be Lowered If Everyone Acts Surprised
The tentative trade thaw reportedly came with a ceremonial coupon book and one emergency hearing nobody in the Senate understood.
Trump-Xi Summit Produces Tariff Peace Treaty for Nervous Soybeans
The Senate began preparing a bipartisan thank-you card to corn while the Supreme Court was asked to stay out of breakfast.
Washington Places Tariffs in Cooling-Off Room After Trump-Xi Talk
A joint memo instructed import duties to stop making eye contact until markets regained their indoor voices.