White House Reclassifies Camp David as Too Outdoorsy for Iran Talks
Cabinet secretaries were reportedly issued fresh lanyards after the Situation Room rejected their pine-scented briefing folders.
Senate Prepares Paxton Welcome Packet Printed Entirely On Trump Letterhead
The orientation binder reportedly contains a committee map, three loyalty tabs, and a tiny court clerk bell.
Senate Treats Canadian Tourism Expo As New NATO Front
Diplomats reportedly secured the booth map before asking whether China controlled the lanyards.
Trump’s Camp David Iran Meeting Derailed By Cabinet Seating Chart
The Iran briefing reportedly stalled after three departments claimed the same window seat near the serious flags.
Trump Orders Iran Deal Printed Upside Down To Reverse Obama
The White House insists diplomacy is strongest when every clause faces the other direction.
Senate Republicans Request Iran Deal Include More Familiar Explosions
A preliminary memo warned peace could disrupt several binders labeled “Necessary Sternness.”
White House Installs Deli Counter For Kansas Endorsement Overflow
Candidates were advised that ticket numbers do not guarantee condiments, cabinet posts, or eye contact.
White House Adds Gunfire Proximity Box To Daily Briefing Calendar
The new form asks whether incoming rounds are ceremonial, legislative, or merely Times-adjacent.
Trump Orders AI Oversight Memo To Apologize In Writing
The White House reportedly gave the document a visitor badge, then revoked it for insufficient flattery.
White House Orders Iran Peace Deal Laminated Before Anyone Finds Verbs
The draft memorandum reportedly achieved historic consensus on font size, tab colors, and which room would pretend to understand it.