Supreme Court Tosses Louisiana Map, Demands Districts That Exist in Euclidean Space
In a 6–3 ruling, justices bravely confirm that “crayon tornado” is not a legal standard for representative democracy.
King Charles Gifts Biden ‘HMS Trump’ Bell, Accidentally Invokes Maritime Coup Clause
White House assures public it is “99% confident” they did not just christen a floating monarchy in the South Lawn fountain.
White House Demands DHS Reopen Immediately To Protect “Sacred World Cup Vibes”
Officials warn “national morale infrastructure” at risk if group stage not federally secured.