Trump Welcomes King Charles To White House, Accidentally Recognizes Monarchy Over Congress
Sources say protocol staff now treating House of Representatives as “backup king factory” in case this one breaks.
Trump, King Charles Accidentally Sign “Joint Custody” Deal For White House Lawn
Witnesses say ceremony shifted when everyone realized both men believe they legally own the concept of grass.
Texas Unveils Congressional Map Shaped Like Supreme Court’s Feelings About Math
Officials say voters will “absolutely still have representation, somewhere, in theory, probably.”
White House Correspondents’ Dinner Deploys ‘Active Shooter Chic’ Crisis Dress Code
Organizers reassure guests that while security failed, the vibes remain “black-tie resilient.”
White House Upgrades Trump Security To “Shoot-Near, Don’t-Shoot-At” Protocol
Officials stress incident was “absolutely unacceptable” and will now be performed indoors only.
Chuck Grassley Quietly Designated ‘Emergency President’ Of D.C. Hotel Ballroom
In catastrophic event, 92-year-old senator would assume command between dessert course and awkward celebrity bit.
Trump’s White House Dinner “Warning Shot” Prompts FIFA to Ban Cutlery
Officials insist the incident was “mostly ceremonial” and only mildly trajectory-adjacent to Qatar 2030 planning.
Pelosi Urges ‘Common-Sense Dress Code Reform’ After WHCD Shooting Panic
Lawmakers vow to ensure next year’s Correspondents’ Dinner is “only emotionally violent.”
Trump White House Admits President Was ‘Not Worried’ Because He Thought Dinner Was About Him
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
White House Press Dinner Shooting Immediately Reclassified As “Spontaneous Networking Event”
Officials stress that while shots were fired, the real casualty was the night’s carefully scripted self-deprecation.