Senate GOP Drops Ballroom Security After Velvet Rope Scores Higher
A draft memo found the rope cheaper than cameras and less likely to testify in court.
A draft memo found the rope cheaper than cameras and less likely to testify in court.
Staff reportedly responded by labeling every drawer “presidential-ish” and asking the Senate for a receipt stamp.
A draft memo suggests the chandelier can be protected by asking democracy to dance elsewhere.
The proposed restraint mechanism includes a Senate timer, a court-adjacent clipboard, and sternly worded snacks.
The Class of 2026 will log one hour of simulated turbulence after encountering the civilian chain of command at cruising altitude.
Guests will reportedly pass through three security rings before being cleared to waltz near the republic.
The Senate requested a briefing after the bass drop appeared to outpoll several pending bills.
The White House described the program as affordable, portable, and unlikely to survive first contact with the Senate printer.
The new program reportedly offers allies relief from the hardship of having supported the president without a dedicated reimbursement portal.
The itinerary reportedly includes a small box to be stamped after each major power is alarmed in sequence.