Trump Raises Car Tariff Threat, White House Establishes Emergency Glovebox Court
Officials said the new process will determine which imported vehicles are “economically hostile” by checking whether they look expensive near Wisconsin.
White House Declares Imported Décor Exempt From Tariff Patriotism Audit
Officials said the foreign-made items were not imports but “internationally sourced expressions of domestic strength.”
Trump Announces Emergency Tariff Relief for Scottish Whisky to Strengthen ‘Anglo-American Happy Hour Alliance’
Move reportedly designed to honor King Charles, calm markets, and secure better drink deals at future state dinners.
Trump Unveils ‘Feelings-Based Tariff’ Plan, Canada Braces For Emotional Sanctions
In a bold economic maneuver, the U.S. will now tax imports based on whether Donald Trump “gets a weird vibe” from another country’s labour practices.
China Politely Asks U.S. To Stop Punching Itself In The Tariffs
Diplomats urge Washington to “put down the economic rake” after Supreme Court bonks Trump-era trade war on the nose.
Trump Unveils 50% “Feelings-Based” Tariff for Any Country He’s Mad At
In a historic first, U.S. trade policy will now be pegged directly to one man’s indoor voice volume.
Trump Tariffs Reappear Like Unwanted Subscription, Confuse Supreme Court, Delight Betting Apps
Prediction markets now treat Supreme Court rulings as polite suggestions from a distant book club.
Trump Tariffs Continue After Supreme Court Ruling, Now Determined Solely by His Mood Ring
Economists warn the global trading system is being “fully indexed to vibes” while prediction markets beg for a color legend.