Trump Lowers Tariffs After Tractors Complete White House Loyalty Forms
The Senate reportedly asked whether a combine harvester can be subpoenaed if it refuses to thank the president.
White House Weighs Bricklin Revival As Official Tariff Escape Vehicle
A fictional draft memo classifies gull-wing doors as “bilateral market access panels.”
White House Keeps Tariffs As Trade Agreement’s Decorative Border Wall
The pact will reportedly be honored in the traditional way: framed, ignored, and billed to customs.
China Offers Tariff Relief in the Form of a Blank Clipboard
Agriculture officials were told soybeans may celebrate once Beijing releases the celebratory paperwork template.
Treasury Sends Tariff Refunds With Instructions For Returning Outrage
A draft memo warns checks may arrive before the talking points needed to be angry about them.
Trump, Xi Agree Tariffs Can Be Lowered If Everyone Acts Surprised
The tentative trade thaw reportedly came with a ceremonial coupon book and one emergency hearing nobody in the Senate understood.
Trump-Xi Summit Produces Tariff Peace Treaty for Nervous Soybeans
The Senate began preparing a bipartisan thank-you card to corn while the Supreme Court was asked to stay out of breakfast.
Washington Places Tariffs in Cooling-Off Room After Trump-Xi Talk
A joint memo instructed import duties to stop making eye contact until markets regained their indoor voices.
Trump Brings Tariff Punch Cards to China Talks, Confusing Diplomats
The Senate requested receipts, the court requested definitions, and America requested a chair near the exit.
White House Places New Zealand Lamb On Emergency Tariff Watch
A provisional memo warns that unregulated chops could weaken America’s negotiating posture before dinner.