Trump Claims Seized Iran Cargo Ship Was “Mystery Gift From China”
International Community Unsure Which Is Scarier: Escalating Tensions or His Re-Gift Policy
Trump Heads to Chinese Trade Hub, Inspires Emergency “Tariff Tourism” Industry
Local sellers now offer VIP access to his mood swings, pending visa approval.
Trump Accuses China of ‘Regifting’ Iran, Demands Store Credit on Foreign Policy
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
US Navy Seizes Mysterious ‘Gift From China’ After Trump Plays Global Santa Tracker
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
China Denies Any Link to Mysterious Iranian Ship, Citing Long-Standing Policy of Not Knowing Anything About Anything
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump’s China Strategy Now Just Vibes, Tariffs, and Hoping Xi Ghosts First
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
US Assures Nervous World That Iran Talks Are ‘Going Well,’ Defines ‘Well’ As ‘No One Has Tweeted Yet’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
America’s Only Accredited Circus School Shuts Down, Congress Offers to Fill Skills Gap
Nation alarmed to learn clowns, jugglers, and tightrope walkers will now be trained exclusively by the U.S. political system.