Treasury Prints Menu After U.S. Adds Tariffs To 60 Economies
The Senate requested a clearer list, preferably one that did not require a folding chair and a cartographer.
U.S. Demands Self-Driving Cars Stop Letting China Merge
A new interagency memo classifies hesitation at four-way stops as a foreign policy vulnerability.
Senate Issues Talking Permit After Iran Threatens To Stop Talking
The new form must be stamped before any nation may pause diplomacy, resume diplomacy, or glare near diplomacy.
White House Weighs Bricklin Revival As Official Tariff Escape Vehicle
A fictional draft memo classifies gull-wing doors as “bilateral market access panels.”
Treasury Prepares Tiny Ribbon-Cutting For Reopened Strait Of Hormuz
Officials warned prosperity could arrive before the ceremonial scissors clear customs.
Trump Aides Install Diplomatic Turn Signal For China-Taiwan Tightrope
The Senate requested blinkers too, after mistaking cross-strait stability for a parking rule.
Wall Street Files Ceasefire Extension As Approved Inflation Distraction
Traders were reminded that record highs must be stamped before anyone opens the PCE envelope.
White House Keeps Tariffs As Trade Agreement’s Decorative Border Wall
The pact will reportedly be honored in the traditional way: framed, ignored, and billed to customs.
Iran Offers China Uranium Storage While Washington Updates Its Hold Music
Negotiators reportedly requested a chain-of-custody form, a forklift, and one senator willing to read the annex.
China Offers Tariff Relief in the Form of a Blank Clipboard
Agriculture officials were told soybeans may celebrate once Beijing releases the celebratory paperwork template.