Trump Assures World’s Tankers Are ‘Sailing Beautifully’ as Reporters Fail to Locate Any Actual Ships
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
America’s Only Accredited Circus School Shuts Down, Congress Offers to Fill Skills Gap
Nation alarmed to learn clowns, jugglers, and tightrope walkers will now be trained exclusively by the U.S. political system.
Trump Promises Historic US–Iran Deal ‘Within a Day or Two,’ Aides Ask ‘Which Day or Two?’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump’s Social Media Has Completed Its Journey From Quote Board to Gospel According to Algorithm
Experts say the transformation was gradual, like climate change, except this one still gets more Republican engagement.
Congress now treating presidential fitness like a group chat intervention with subpoenas.
Justices say innovative gaming system makes rights “more vibrant, less predictable.”
Sources say model claims 87% confidence chief of staff meets dragon by Q3.
Lawmakers shocked to learn BUSA Act does not, in fact, fund a space laser.
Architects say venue will still comfortably seat 800 donors and one enormous ego.