White House Orders Cadets To Treat Vance Speech As Flight Training
The Class of 2026 will log one hour of simulated turbulence after encountering the civilian chain of command at cruising altitude.
White House Ballroom Reclassified as Drone-Proof Formal Military Complex
Guests will reportedly pass through three security rings before being cleared to waltz near the republic.
White House Rebrands Drake TikTok Edit as Emergency Youth Policy
The Senate requested a briefing after the bass drop appeared to outpoll several pending bills.
White House Asks Strait Of Hormuz To Respect Strongly Worded Adjectives
The fictional plan reportedly includes sanctions, a stern map, and a Senate briefing titled “Have We Tried Being Louder?”
Trump Debuts Healthcare Discount Card Valid Only During Applause Breaks
The White House described the program as affordable, portable, and unlikely to survive first contact with the Senate printer.
State Department Reclassifies Taiwan As Poker Supply After Trump Remark
A fictional interagency memo reportedly asks whether democracy should be stored near the cards or under “miscellaneous leverage.”
White House Opens Loyalty Reimbursement Window After IRS Lawsuit Exit
The new program reportedly offers allies relief from the hardship of having supported the president without a dedicated reimbursement portal.
West Virginia Senate Installs Flood Gauge Under Smith’s Power Chair
The emergency retention plan classifies leadership challenges as weather events with colleagues attached.
White House Adds Iran Crisis To Trump’s Post-China Loyalty Card
The itinerary reportedly includes a small box to be stamped after each major power is alarmed in sequence.
White House Drafts Emergency Protocol for Heaven-Authorized Ballroom Construction
The proposed guidance reportedly asks agencies to distinguish routine procurement from direct celestial seating-chart requirements.