White House Creates Doubt Index After Trump Reassesses Putin’s Peace Interest
The new form reportedly asks staff to rate Kremlin sincerity from “maybe” to “please stop making us laminate this.”
Congress Requests Ukraine Missiles Through Nation’s Most Complicated Office Printer
The new form reportedly requires three signatures, a court citation, and toner approval from a man named Doug.
Washington Places Tariffs in Cooling-Off Room After Trump-Xi Talk
A joint memo instructed import duties to stop making eye contact until markets regained their indoor voices.
Congress Discovers Ukraine Vote Button Hidden Under Stack Of Caution Memos
A procedural memo warned that continued action could normalize the dangerous precedent of Congress conducting business.
Trump, Putin Announce Limited-Time Ukraine Cease-Fire, Promo Code to Follow
Officials praise “historic pause in hostilities” carefully scheduled around both leaders’ personal calendars and snack breaks.