White House Opens Loyalty Reimbursement Window After IRS Lawsuit Exit
The new program reportedly offers allies relief from the hardship of having supported the president without a dedicated reimbursement portal.
West Virginia Senate Installs Flood Gauge Under Smith’s Power Chair
The emergency retention plan classifies leadership challenges as weather events with colleagues attached.
White House Adds Iran Crisis To Trump’s Post-China Loyalty Card
The itinerary reportedly includes a small box to be stamped after each major power is alarmed in sequence.
White House Drafts Emergency Protocol for Heaven-Authorized Ballroom Construction
The proposed guidance reportedly asks agencies to distinguish routine procurement from direct celestial seating-chart requirements.
Treasury Sends Tariff Refunds With Instructions For Returning Outrage
A draft memo warns checks may arrive before the talking points needed to be angry about them.
Parliamentarian Rules White House Moat Alligators Not Budget-Relevant Security
The ruling leaves federal planners with only gates, guards, and a color-coded spreadsheet labeled Please Do Not Breach.
White House Issues Summit Fatigue Index After Trump-China Meeting
The new metric reportedly classifies presidential strain as “manageable, visible, or audible through a closed conference-room door.”
Washington Places Tariffs in Cooling-Off Room After Trump-Xi Talk
A joint memo instructed import duties to stop making eye contact until markets regained their indoor voices.
Trump Announces Xi Joined Emergency Strait Unclogging Committee
The White House treats global shipping lanes as a sticky cabinet drawer requiring bipartisan lubricant.
Cohen Exit Triggers Emergency Storage Plan for Unused Campaign Buttons
A preliminary memo recommends preserving the signs in case Congress later needs evidence that campaigning once occurred voluntarily.