White House Reclassifies IRS Audits As Decorative Paperwork For Presidents
The new policy places Form 1040 under the jurisdiction of whichever aide can find the biggest shredder.
Senate Finds White House Ballroom Security Optional If Velvet Rope Works
A draft memo suggests the chandelier can be protected by asking democracy to dance elsewhere.
Senate Advances Iran War Brake, Finds Pedal Under Committee Binder
The measure would require the White House to pause long enough for Congress to remember where it stored war powers.
NATO Issues Trump Reliability Index Ahead of Rubio Anxiety Tour
European diplomats will now be briefed using a color-coded chart ranging from “Article 5” to “please check Truth Social.”
White House Classifies Hudson Valley Fundraiser As Temporary Executive Branch
Staff prepared a lectern continuity plan in case applause levels triggered constitutional uncertainty.
Senate Advances Form Requiring Trump To Requisition Iran Hostilities
The chamber’s new policy would classify unauthorized escalation as a paperwork spill requiring immediate committee towels.
White House Orders Cadets To Treat Vance Speech As Flight Training
The Class of 2026 will log one hour of simulated turbulence after encountering the civilian chain of command at cruising altitude.
White House Ballroom Reclassified as Drone-Proof Formal Military Complex
Guests will reportedly pass through three security rings before being cleared to waltz near the republic.
White House Asks Strait Of Hormuz To Respect Strongly Worded Adjectives
The fictional plan reportedly includes sanctions, a stern map, and a Senate briefing titled “Have We Tried Being Louder?”
State Department Reclassifies Taiwan As Poker Supply After Trump Remark
A fictional interagency memo reportedly asks whether democracy should be stored near the cards or under “miscellaneous leverage.”