Trump Accused Of ‘Seven Lies In One Hour’; Congress Demands Equal Airtime
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump Reportedly Ends Iran Conflict With Surprise ‘Handshake DLC’ Purchase From China
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Georgia Senate Polls Show Voters Narrowly Prefer Chaos With Free Shipping
As 2026 looms, the Peach State is once again split between democracy, vibes, and whatever Trump just posted about China at 3:11 a.m.
White House Briefly Considers Invading Ohio After Hearing About Carfentanil
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Congress Eyes Regulation of Social Fitness Apps After 10,000 Steps Threaten GDP
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
California Pro-Choice Group Declares Katie Porter Scientifically ‘Strongest’ Candidate, Orders Statewide Flexing
Analysts say the governor’s race is now a CrossFit class in which everyone has a law degree and unresolved feelings about Gavin Newsom’s hair.
Trump Assures World’s Tankers Are ‘Sailing Beautifully’ as Reporters Fail to Locate Any Actual Ships
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
America’s Only Accredited Circus School Shuts Down, Congress Offers to Fill Skills Gap
Nation alarmed to learn clowns, jugglers, and tightrope walkers will now be trained exclusively by the U.S. political system.
Trump Promises Historic US–Iran Deal ‘Within a Day or Two,’ Aides Ask ‘Which Day or Two?’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.