Senate GOP Parks Immigration Bill In Settlement Fund Coat Check
Clerks issued the proposal a numbered ticket and warned Trump not to validate it near the court.
House GOP Shelves Iran Restraint Vote After Clipboard Fails Loyalty Check
The whip operation reportedly downgraded constitutional war powers to an optional hallway pamphlet.
White House Drafts Phone Call Manual With Taiwan-Shaped Fire Alarm
The proposed protocol requires Trump to say hello only after three lawyers, two cartographers, and one very tired hold-music technician initial the receiver.
Ex-White House Lawyers Prompt New Oval Office Abuse Sign-Out Sheet
The form requires two signatures, one court citation, and a small box labeled “probably China.”
Trump Delays Refrigerant Rules After Air Conditioner Files Formal Complaint
White House aides framed the rollback as kitchen-table relief, then asked if the table had a compressor.
White House Reclassifies IRS Audits As Decorative Paperwork For Presidents
The new policy places Form 1040 under the jurisdiction of whichever aide can find the biggest shredder.
Senate GOP Drops Ballroom Security After Velvet Rope Scores Higher
A draft memo found the rope cheaper than cameras and less likely to testify in court.
Judge Orders White House To Stop Filing History Under Miscellaneous
Staff reportedly responded by labeling every drawer “presidential-ish” and asking the Senate for a receipt stamp.
Senate Finds White House Ballroom Security Optional If Velvet Rope Works
A draft memo suggests the chandelier can be protected by asking democracy to dance elsewhere.
Democrats Introduce Cuba Leash Bill After White House Buys Bigger Map
The proposed restraint mechanism includes a Senate timer, a court-adjacent clipboard, and sternly worded snacks.