Washington Places Tariffs in Cooling-Off Room After Trump-Xi Talk
A joint memo instructed import duties to stop making eye contact until markets regained their indoor voices.
Trump Announces Xi Joined Emergency Strait Unclogging Committee
The White House treats global shipping lanes as a sticky cabinet drawer requiring bipartisan lubricant.
Trump Announces Xi Endorsed Strait Plan; Beijing Requests Undo Button
The diplomatic breakthrough reportedly lasted until China clarified it wanted the crisis solved sometime before it existed.
Supreme Court Declines Virginia Appeal, Democrats Discover Emergency Campaign Exits
Operatives described the ruling as a court calendar event that somehow became a group unsubscribe button.
Trump Orders Washington Makeover After Declaring Federal Beige Insufficiently Loyal
The redesign reportedly includes a Situation Room swatch wall and emergency hearings on whether marble can salute.
Trump Asks China To Unclog Hormuz With Trade Coupon
The Senate prepared hearings after aides labeled the strait “pending infrastructure” and filed it under roads, ports, and campaign promises.
Cohen Exit Triggers Emergency Storage Plan for Unused Campaign Buttons
A preliminary memo recommends preserving the signs in case Congress later needs evidence that campaigning once occurred voluntarily.
Trump And Xi Assign Strait Of Hormuz A Shared Custody Schedule
The Senate reportedly asked whether oil tankers count as witnesses or amendments.
Trump and China Agree Iran War Unnecessary, Disagree on Who Said It
Diplomats called it a breakthrough in which everyone shook hands while backing toward separate exits.
China Offers Hormuz Help, Demands Trump Stop Treating Taiwan Like Layaway
Beijing’s proposal reportedly came with a map, a warning, and a polite request that Washington stop turning every ocean into a campaign prop.