Nebraska Treats Senate Poll As Load-Bearing Federal Infrastructure
A new memo classifies undecided voters as temporary public works projects until they choose a bumper sticker.
Wisconsin Candidates Prepare To Debate Latest Poll After It Takes Lead
Campaigns are reserving a lectern for the margin of error, which remains undecided but confident.
Maine Senate Campaigns Declare Margin Of Error A Third Candidate
Both parties agreed the statistical figure had the best favorability because it had not yet spoken at a diner.
White House Prepares Colombia Policy With Giant Relationship Status Dropdown
Aides said “it’s complicated” remains available if Congress misplaces the binder again.
Michigan Senate Poll Declares Itself Front-Runner, Demands Committee Seat
Campaigns now trail a spreadsheet with better name recognition and fewer restaurant opinions.
Congress Orders Texas Senate Polls Secured in Climate-Controlled Room
A House clerk reportedly labeled undecided voters as “liquid assets” and asked nobody to breathe near the crosstabs.
Alabama Schedules Special Primary After Map Successfully Completes Obstacle Course
The approved districts were issued tiny lanyards and warned not to wander into Congress.
Trump Puts Iran Deal On Midterm Yard-Sign Approval Schedule
Negotiators were told enriched uranium polls poorly in the suburbs unless paired with a school-board mailer.
White House Issues Bill Cassidy A Lame-Duck Hazard Vest
Staffers reportedly added him to the same wall chart used for court dates, Senate math, and unexplained New York Times printouts.
California Pollsters Issue Evacuation Map For Undecided Governor’s Race
Residents in toss-up precincts were advised to keep three days of bottled takes.