Ohio Senate Polls Reclassified As Hazardous Campaign Office Weather
Staff were advised to shelter under laminated cross-tabs until the next Times update passes.
House GOP Shelves Iran Restraint Vote After Clipboard Fails Loyalty Check
The whip operation reportedly downgraded constitutional war powers to an optional hallway pamphlet.
West Virginia Senate Installs Flood Gauge Under Smith’s Power Chair
The emergency retention plan classifies leadership challenges as weather events with colleagues attached.
Cassidy Asks Louisiana GOP To Grade Trump Impeachment On Curve
His fictional campaign’s new strategy separates policy positions into “before conviction” and “please stop booing” binders.
Supreme Court Declines Virginia Appeal, Democrats Discover Emergency Campaign Exits
Operatives described the ruling as a court calendar event that somehow became a group unsubscribe button.
Cohen Exit Triggers Emergency Storage Plan for Unused Campaign Buttons
A preliminary memo recommends preserving the signs in case Congress later needs evidence that campaigning once occurred voluntarily.
Alabama Schedules Special Election Before Congressional Map Learns Its Districts
Campaigns are preparing yard signs with dotted lines, just in case the court asks for edits.
Texas Unveils Congressional Map Shaped Like Supreme Court’s Feelings About Math
Officials say voters will “absolutely still have representation, somewhere, in theory, probably.”