Senate Finds White House Ballroom Security Optional If Velvet Rope Works

A draft memo suggests the chandelier can be protected by asking democracy to dance elsewhere.

Senate budget writers, reviewing the proposed $1 billion White House security package, identified the Trump ballroom as “defensible by guest list, stern carpeting, and one docent with a clicker.”

The revised protocol replaces armored barriers with a Form 12-B Chandelier Proximity Waiver, allowing visitors to approach democracy’s delicate sconces after initialing beside the china cabinet, court portraits, and supreme hors d’oeuvres.

Capitol accountants moved the savings into a spreadsheet tab labeled “Not Ballrooms,” where each cell requires a security badge and a tiny American flag before deletion.

Context

The Chicago Tribune reported that Republicans were considering dropping a $1 billion security funding request for the White House and Trump’s ballroom.

Photo: Tima Miroshnichenko