White House Upgrades Trump’s Physical To Cabinet-Level Fitness Event
Staff were issued color-coded wellness lanyards after the doctor’s note achieved infrastructure status.
White House Memo Declares Trump Healthy Enough To Outlive Printer Toner
The wellness update reportedly received a cleaner rollout than most subpoenas.
Trump Threatens Kennedy Center With Congress Until It Learns Branding
The proposed handoff would let the Senate rename the opera house by unanimous consent, or several televised lunches.
Trump Endorsement Forces Iowa GOP To Install Governor-Sized Loyalty Stamp
The White House reportedly labeled the endorsement “agricultural infrastructure” after the Senate office laminator jammed.
White House Drafts Courtside Succession Plan For Possible Trump Knicks Visit
Madison Square Garden has reportedly been asked to distinguish between national security and a celebrity row seat with cupholders.
White House Issues Cage-Side Seating Chart For Birthday Governance
The protocol office reportedly classified the octagon as a temporary briefing room with more defensible corners.
Illinois Legislature Honors Durbin With Ceremonial 44-Year Roll Call
Clerks issued commemorative patience badges after the first 600 names were read into a microphone nobody adjusted.
White House Moves Camp David Meeting After Iran Peace Forms Request Fluorescents
The mountains reportedly failed a readiness inspection after producing one lectern and zero laminated escape arrows.
White House Reclassifies Camp David as Too Outdoorsy for Iran Talks
Cabinet secretaries were reportedly issued fresh lanyards after the Situation Room rejected their pine-scented briefing folders.
Senate Treats Canadian Tourism Expo As New NATO Front
Diplomats reportedly secured the booth map before asking whether China controlled the lanyards.