Clerks reportedly labeled the movement “flammable estate property” and refused to notarize the hats.
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee converted a hearing room into a MAGA probate court Tuesday, issuing Vance and Rubio laminated heir badges, two gavels, and one contested binder marked “grievances, export-controlled.”
“We are treating this like a normal succession, except the estate keeps yelling at the stenographer,” said one procedural scholar.
The inventory lists 6,000 red hats, 14 contradictory Senate floor charts, and a Supreme Court-shaped paperweight reserved for whoever can say “America First” while approving three incompatible foreign-policy memos.
Context
The South China Morning Post reported on speculation over whether JD Vance or Marco Rubio is better positioned to inherit Trump’s MAGA movement.
Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.
Inspired by: South China Morning Post
Photo: Polina Zimmerman
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