White House Adds China Chair to Trump’s Iran-Pakistan Table
Negotiators reportedly labeled it “Beijing Seat, Do Not Move,” which is also the current foreign policy.
White House Adds Iran Deal To Senate’s Red Alert Binder
Republicans reportedly requested the agreement be downgraded from foreign policy to office equipment.
Senate Opens MAGA Probate Court For Vance-Rubio Inheritance Fight
Clerks reportedly labeled the movement “flammable estate property” and refused to notarize the hats.
White House Drafts Phone Call Manual With Taiwan-Shaped Fire Alarm
The proposed protocol requires Trump to say hello only after three lawyers, two cartographers, and one very tired hold-music technician initial the receiver.
White House Rebrands Drake TikTok Edit as Emergency Youth Policy
The Senate requested a briefing after the bass drop appeared to outpoll several pending bills.
White House Asks Strait Of Hormuz To Respect Strongly Worded Adjectives
The fictional plan reportedly includes sanctions, a stern map, and a Senate briefing titled “Have We Tried Being Louder?”
Trump Debuts Healthcare Discount Card Valid Only During Applause Breaks
The White House described the program as affordable, portable, and unlikely to survive first contact with the Senate printer.
State Department Reclassifies Taiwan As Poker Supply After Trump Remark
A fictional interagency memo reportedly asks whether democracy should be stored near the cards or under “miscellaneous leverage.”
White House Opens Loyalty Reimbursement Window After IRS Lawsuit Exit
The new program reportedly offers allies relief from the hardship of having supported the president without a dedicated reimbursement portal.
West Virginia Senate Installs Flood Gauge Under Smith’s Power Chair
The emergency retention plan classifies leadership challenges as weather events with colleagues attached.