White House Prepares Trump-Xi Meeting With Emergency Compliment Inventory
The Senate was placed on standby to translate any phrase containing “very strong” into policy.
Trump Packs Iran War Room In Carry-On For China Visit
Beijing prepared three seating charts: missiles, tariffs, and whatever the Senate calls lunch.
Senate Approves Trump’s Iran Deadline After Deadline Files For Extension
Lawmakers described the lapse as a scheduling detail, then asked the Supreme Court if time still counts during recess.
White House Packs Emotional Support Senate For Trump’s China Trip
Aides hope congressional dysfunction will make Beijing’s negotiating table feel more familiar.
Trump Brings Coupon Binder To Xi Meeting As Inflation Strategy
The Beijing agenda also includes war, tariffs, and a laminated card reading “ask China if eggs are negotiable.”
White House Says Iran’s Missiles Are ‘Mostly Theoretical’ Unless Televised
Aides introduced a new threat scale ranging from “fake news” to “please ask the Senate later.”
White House Packs Inflation, FDA Vacancy For Trump’s China Trip
The administration reportedly classified the economy as “carry-on turbulence” and asked the Senate not to shake the overhead bins.
Alabama Schedules Special Election Before Congressional Map Learns Its Districts
Campaigns are preparing yard signs with dotted lines, just in case the court asks for edits.
White House Packs China Trip Binder With Iran War Tab Enlarged
The delegation reportedly added a “Please Discuss Carefully” sticker after staff determined “world war escalation” was too long for the label maker.
White House Drafts Emergency Order Asking Cattle To Show Patriotism
The plan treats hamburger supply as a constitutional question, with brisket now awaiting possible Supreme Court review.