Senate Advances Form Requiring Trump To Requisition Iran Hostilities
The chamber’s new policy would classify unauthorized escalation as a paperwork spill requiring immediate committee towels.
White House Ballroom Reclassified as Drone-Proof Formal Military Complex
Guests will reportedly pass through three security rings before being cleared to waltz near the republic.
White House Rebrands Drake TikTok Edit as Emergency Youth Policy
The Senate requested a briefing after the bass drop appeared to outpoll several pending bills.
White House Asks Strait Of Hormuz To Respect Strongly Worded Adjectives
The fictional plan reportedly includes sanctions, a stern map, and a Senate briefing titled “Have We Tried Being Louder?”
Trump Debuts Healthcare Discount Card Valid Only During Applause Breaks
The White House described the program as affordable, portable, and unlikely to survive first contact with the Senate printer.
Trump-Xi Summit Produces Tariff Peace Treaty for Nervous Soybeans
The Senate began preparing a bipartisan thank-you card to corn while the Supreme Court was asked to stay out of breakfast.
White House Issues Summit Fatigue Index After Trump-China Meeting
The new metric reportedly classifies presidential strain as “manageable, visible, or audible through a closed conference-room door.”
Trump Announces Xi Joined Emergency Strait Unclogging Committee
The White House treats global shipping lanes as a sticky cabinet drawer requiring bipartisan lubricant.
Trump Announces Xi Endorsed Strait Plan; Beijing Requests Undo Button
The diplomatic breakthrough reportedly lasted until China clarified it wanted the crisis solved sometime before it existed.
Trump Orders Washington Makeover After Declaring Federal Beige Insufficiently Loyal
The redesign reportedly includes a Situation Room swatch wall and emergency hearings on whether marble can salute.