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White House Orders Iran Peace Deal Laminated Before Anyone Finds Verbs

A view of the White House surrounded by autumn foliage and a central fountain in Washington, DC.A view of the White House surrounded by autumn foliage and a central fountain in Washington, DC.A view of the White House surrounded by autumn foliage and a central fountain in Washington, DC. Credit: Tom Fisk Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/the-white-house-in-autumn-11563771/

The draft memorandum reportedly achieved historic consensus on font size, tab colors, and which room would pretend to understand it.

The White House treated President Trump’s “largely negotiated” Iran memorandum as administratively complete Thursday after the Office of Preliminary Finality stamped the cover page “SUBSTANTIALLY PAPER.”

Staff then laminated 40 blank signature pages, color-coded the unresolved provisions, and assigned a Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Binder Readiness to escort the document between rooms with flags.

“The verbs are in interagency review,” one senior formatting official said.

A draft implementation calendar lists Day One as “announce framework,” Day Two as “locate framework,” and Day Three as “brief the New York Times chart people.”

Context

Trump said a memorandum of understanding on a possible Iran peace deal is largely negotiated, with reports describing emerging details.

Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.

Inspired by: facebook.com

Photo: Tom Fisk

Marlow Quipley

ByMarlow Quipley

Marlowe Quipley covers the daily collision between political messaging, public confusion, and official statements that somehow make both worse. A fictional satire writer for Political Chaos, Marlowe specializes in fake headlines inspired by very real news.

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