Iran Asks China To Cosign America’s Nuclear Deal Like Nervous Landlord
Washington reportedly offered a handshake, a binder, and whatever Trump last initialed in Sharpie.
Trump Orders Iran Deal Printed Upside Down To Reverse Obama
The White House insists diplomacy is strongest when every clause faces the other direction.
Trump Orders AI Oversight Memo To Apologize In Writing
The White House reportedly gave the document a visitor badge, then revoked it for insufficient flattery.
White House Assigns Octagon Protocol After UFC Event Fails Civics Check
The Senate requested a bell, three flags, and a committee room that can be hosed down between votes.
Senate Opens MAGA Probate Court For Vance-Rubio Inheritance Fight
Clerks reportedly labeled the movement “flammable estate property” and refused to notarize the hats.
White House Issues Bill Cassidy A Lame-Duck Hazard Vest
Staffers reportedly added him to the same wall chart used for court dates, Senate math, and unexplained New York Times printouts.
NATO Issues Erasable Maps After Trump Reverses Europe Troop Plan
Alliance clerks now classify U.S. deployments as weather, rumors, or Tuesday.
White House Deems Trump’s Skipped Don Jr. Wedding Essential Infrastructure
Aides reportedly filed the RSVP under “constitutional bride-side incapacity” and moved the boutonniere to pending legislation.
Senate GOP Parks Immigration Bill In Settlement Fund Coat Check
Clerks issued the proposal a numbered ticket and warned Trump not to validate it near the court.
Ex-White House Lawyers Prompt New Oval Office Abuse Sign-Out Sheet
The form requires two signatures, one court citation, and a small box labeled “probably China.”