Trump Threatens Kennedy Center With Congress Until It Learns Branding
The proposed handoff would let the Senate rename the opera house by unanimous consent, or several televised lunches.
Trump Endorsement Forces Iowa GOP To Install Governor-Sized Loyalty Stamp
The White House reportedly labeled the endorsement “agricultural infrastructure” after the Senate office laminator jammed.
Trump Aides Install Diplomatic Turn Signal For China-Taiwan Tightrope
The Senate requested blinkers too, after mistaking cross-strait stability for a parking rule.
Skill Games Ask Supreme Court Whether Losing Primary Was Playable
Judges are expected to decide whether a losing campaign counts as a malfunction, a feature, or a lobbyist refund.
Trump Puts Iran Deal On Midterm Yard-Sign Approval Schedule
Negotiators were told enriched uranium polls poorly in the suburbs unless paired with a school-board mailer.
Alabama Asks Justices To Approve Map With Built-In GOP Lane
State lawyers reportedly labeled the disputed district lines “heritage squiggles” and placed them in a velvet binder.
Senate Prepares Paxton Welcome Packet Printed Entirely On Trump Letterhead
The orientation binder reportedly contains a committee map, three loyalty tabs, and a tiny court clerk bell.
Senate Treats Canadian Tourism Expo As New NATO Front
Diplomats reportedly secured the booth map before asking whether China controlled the lanyards.
Trump’s Camp David Iran Meeting Derailed By Cabinet Seating Chart
The Iran briefing reportedly stalled after three departments claimed the same window seat near the serious flags.
China Downgrades American Power to Laminated Conference Room Concept
Beijing’s new policy requires U.S. threats to arrive with a binder clip, three stamps, and a deal memo nobody reads.