Cassidy Asks Louisiana GOP To Grade Trump Impeachment On Curve
His fictional campaign’s new strategy separates policy positions into “before conviction” and “please stop booing” binders.
Trump-Xi Summit Produces Tariff Peace Treaty for Nervous Soybeans
The Senate began preparing a bipartisan thank-you card to corn while the Supreme Court was asked to stay out of breakfast.
Trump Announces Xi Endorsed Strait Plan; Beijing Requests Undo Button
The diplomatic breakthrough reportedly lasted until China clarified it wanted the crisis solved sometime before it existed.
Supreme Court Declines Virginia Appeal, Democrats Discover Emergency Campaign Exits
Operatives described the ruling as a court calendar event that somehow became a group unsubscribe button.
Trump Orders Washington Makeover After Declaring Federal Beige Insufficiently Loyal
The redesign reportedly includes a Situation Room swatch wall and emergency hearings on whether marble can salute.
Trump Asks China To Unclog Hormuz With Trade Coupon
The Senate prepared hearings after aides labeled the strait “pending infrastructure” and filed it under roads, ports, and campaign promises.
Trump And Xi Assign Strait Of Hormuz A Shared Custody Schedule
The Senate reportedly asked whether oil tankers count as witnesses or amendments.
Trump and China Agree Iran War Unnecessary, Disagree on Who Said It
Diplomats called it a breakthrough in which everyone shook hands while backing toward separate exits.
China Offers Hormuz Help, Demands Trump Stop Treating Taiwan Like Layaway
Beijing’s proposal reportedly came with a map, a warning, and a polite request that Washington stop turning every ocean into a campaign prop.
China Thanks Washington For Turning Iran Policy Into Group Project
Beijing filed the week under “unforced assists” while the Senate searched for the minutes from its own briefing.