White House Issues Temporary Open Sign for Strait of Hormuz
The agreement is reportedly complete except for signatures, maps, and determining whether waterways accept laminated badges.
Senate GOP Parks Immigration Bill In Settlement Fund Coat Check
Clerks issued the proposal a numbered ticket and warned Trump not to validate it near the court.
White House Drafts Phone Call Manual With Taiwan-Shaped Fire Alarm
The proposed protocol requires Trump to say hello only after three lawyers, two cartographers, and one very tired hold-music technician initial the receiver.
White House Classifies Hudson Valley Fundraiser As Temporary Executive Branch
Staff prepared a lectern continuity plan in case applause levels triggered constitutional uncertainty.
White House Orders Cadets To Treat Vance Speech As Flight Training
The Class of 2026 will log one hour of simulated turbulence after encountering the civilian chain of command at cruising altitude.
White House Asks Strait Of Hormuz To Respect Strongly Worded Adjectives
The fictional plan reportedly includes sanctions, a stern map, and a Senate briefing titled “Have We Tried Being Louder?”
State Department Reclassifies Taiwan As Poker Supply After Trump Remark
A fictional interagency memo reportedly asks whether democracy should be stored near the cards or under “miscellaneous leverage.”
White House Opens Loyalty Reimbursement Window After IRS Lawsuit Exit
The new program reportedly offers allies relief from the hardship of having supported the president without a dedicated reimbursement portal.
White House Drafts Emergency Protocol for Heaven-Authorized Ballroom Construction
The proposed guidance reportedly asks agencies to distinguish routine procurement from direct celestial seating-chart requirements.
White House Reassures Taiwan With Map Labeled ‘Complicated Friendship Area’
After Trump’s China trip, aides clarified U.S. policy by pointing to three arrows, two footnotes, and a coffee stain.