Illinois Legislature Honors Durbin With Ceremonial 44-Year Roll Call
Clerks issued commemorative patience badges after the first 600 names were read into a microphone nobody adjusted.
NATO Issues Erasable Maps After Trump Reverses Europe Troop Plan
Alliance clerks now classify U.S. deployments as weather, rumors, or Tuesday.
NATO Ministers To Receive Trump Disappointment In Laminated Alliance Folders
Rubio will reportedly deliver the message using the ceremonial binder reserved for budget threats and awkward lunch seating.
NATO Issues Trump Reliability Index Ahead of Rubio Anxiety Tour
European diplomats will now be briefed using a color-coded chart ranging from “Article 5” to “please check Truth Social.”
Cassidy Asks Louisiana GOP To Grade Trump Impeachment On Curve
His fictional campaign’s new strategy separates policy positions into “before conviction” and “please stop booing” binders.
Trump Nominates Mastriano To Slovakia, Senate Orders Emergency Atlas
The White House called it a foreign-policy move, while half of Washington began quietly checking whether Slovakia has primaries.
Senators Arrive In China With Laminated Flashcards For Trump-Xi Small Talk
The delegation ranked soybeans, TikTok, Iran, and “please don’t mention court stuff” by diplomatic combustibility.
Trump Announces ‘Solo War’ With Iran After NATO Ghosts His Evite
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump White House Briefly Unsure If Spain Is “A Real NATO”
Officials nearly suspended country after discovering it speaks wrong language, is not Ohio.