Traders were reminded that record highs must be stamped before anyone opens the PCE envelope.
Wall Street’s Records Compliance Desk confirmed the S&P 500 may keep setting highs after clerks stapled the US-Iran ceasefire extension to the “Ignore Inflation Until Lunch” binder.
The hot PCE print was moved to a red folder tagged TRUMP/COURT/SUPREME/IRAN/NYTIMES.COM, allowing algorithms to classify it as theater and trade around the noun pile.
Asia desks received laminated TEMPORARILY RATIONAL badges and a flowchart instructing them to buy if missiles paused, prices rose, or the printer produced green toner.
Context
MarketPulse reported Asian markets opened as the S&P 500 hit records after a US-Iran ceasefire extension, despite hot PCE inflation data.
Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.
Inspired by: marketpulse.com
Photo: Ravi Roshan
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