White House Reclassifies Camp David as Too Outdoorsy for Iran Talks
Cabinet secretaries were reportedly issued fresh lanyards after the Situation Room rejected their pine-scented briefing folders.
Trump’s Camp David Iran Meeting Derailed By Cabinet Seating Chart
The Iran briefing reportedly stalled after three departments claimed the same window seat near the serious flags.
Iran Offers China Uranium Storage While Washington Updates Its Hold Music
Negotiators reportedly requested a chain-of-custody form, a forklift, and one senator willing to read the annex.
China Offers Tariff Relief in the Form of a Blank Clipboard
Agriculture officials were told soybeans may celebrate once Beijing releases the celebratory paperwork template.
China Downgrades American Power to Laminated Conference Room Concept
Beijing’s new policy requires U.S. threats to arrive with a binder clip, three stamps, and a deal memo nobody reads.
Iran Asks China To Cosign America’s Nuclear Deal Like Nervous Landlord
Washington reportedly offered a handshake, a binder, and whatever Trump last initialed in Sharpie.
Mortgage Rates Reclassified As National Security Briefing After Iran Jitters
The Fed reportedly issued lenders laminated threat levels ranging from “preapproved” to “move back in with your parents.”
Trump Orders Iran Deal Printed Upside Down To Reverse Obama
The White House insists diplomacy is strongest when every clause faces the other direction.
Senate Republicans Request Iran Deal Include More Familiar Explosions
A preliminary memo warned peace could disrupt several binders labeled “Necessary Sternness.”
White House Installs Deli Counter For Kansas Endorsement Overflow
Candidates were advised that ticket numbers do not guarantee condiments, cabinet posts, or eye contact.