Congress Requests Ukraine Missiles Through Nation’s Most Complicated Office Printer

The new form reportedly requires three signatures, a court citation, and toner approval from a man named Doug.

The House Logistics Desk acknowledged lawmakers’ request for more Ukrainian air defense missiles by placing a laminated “URGENT-ish” cover sheet on Form M-17B, then returning it because the box for “sky-related object” was initialed in blue.

A procedural bulletin instructed staff to compare missile availability against the office printer calendar, the Supreme Toner Reserve, and a map of Iran accidentally printed from The New York Times crossword page.

To preserve readiness, Congress authorized a pilot program in which each missile receives a badge, a temporary cubicle, and a mandatory briefing on not becoming a court exhibit.

Context

WKZO reported that U.S. congressmen said the United States should send Ukraine more air defense missiles.

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