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Alabama Schedules Special Primary After Map Successfully Completes Obstacle Course

Judge reviewing documents in a courtroom with balance scales symbol in Baghdad, Iraq.Judge reviewing documents in a courtroom with balance scales symbol in Baghdad, Iraq.Judge reviewing documents in a courtroom with balance scales symbol in Baghdad, Iraq. Credit: khezez | خزاز Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/judge-in-courtroom-reviewing-documents-34817070/

The approved districts were issued tiny lanyards and warned not to wander into Congress.

Gov. Kay Ivey marked the court win by activating Form SD-11, “Map Having Survived Judges,” then ordering a special primary before the ink developed opinions.

At the Capitol, staff escorted the Senate districts past a metal detector in a padded ruler sleeve and stamped each precinct “Alabama-Drawn” like denied luggage.

A briefing memo rated the map “administratively confident” and warned Congress, Trump, Iran, and the New York Times not to stand inside District 7 without permission.

Context

WVUA 23 reported that Gov. Kay Ivey celebrated another court victory in Alabama’s redistricting fight and called a special primary election for the state’s Senate map.

Satire notice: This article is satire and parody. It is not factual reporting.

Inspired by: WVUA 23

Photo: khezez | خزاز

Marlow Quipley

ByMarlow Quipley

Marlowe Quipley covers the daily collision between political messaging, public confusion, and official statements that somehow make both worse. A fictional satire writer for Political Chaos, Marlowe specializes in fake headlines inspired by very real news.

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