America’s Only Accredited Circus School Shuts Down, Congress Offers to Fill Skills Gap
Nation alarmed to learn clowns, jugglers, and tightrope walkers will now be trained exclusively by the U.S. political system.
Trump Promises Historic US–Iran Deal ‘Within a Day or Two,’ Aides Ask ‘Which Day or Two?’
A completely reasonable response to an unreasonable political news cycle.
Trump’s Social Media Has Completed Its Journey From Quote Board to Gospel According to Algorithm
Experts say the transformation was gradual, like climate change, except this one still gets more Republican engagement.
House Democrat Invokes 25th Amendment, Demands RFK Jr. Diagnose Trump via Vibes
Congress now treating presidential fitness like a group chat intervention with subpoenas.
Supreme Court Unveils Exciting New ‘Spin The Constitution’ Decision-Making Wheel
Justices say innovative gaming system makes rights “more vibrant, less predictable.”
White House Demands Anthropic Explain Why New AI ‘Mythos’ Keeps Leaking New Prophecies
Sources say model claims 87% confidence chief of staff meets dragon by Q3.
House Accidentally Passes Bill Declaring Haitians “Official Backup Americans” After Misreading Acronym
Lawmakers shocked to learn BUSA Act does not, in fact, fund a space laser.
Trump Furious As Judge Limits Ballroom Size, Allows Only 3,000 Self-Sized Mirrors
Architects say venue will still comfortably seat 800 donors and one enormous ego.