White House Drafts Courtside Succession Plan For Possible Trump Knicks Visit
Madison Square Garden has reportedly been asked to distinguish between national security and a celebrity row seat with cupholders.
White House Issues Cage-Side Seating Chart For Birthday Governance
The protocol office reportedly classified the octagon as a temporary briefing room with more defensible corners.
Trump Puts Iran Deal On Midterm Yard-Sign Approval Schedule
Negotiators were told enriched uranium polls poorly in the suburbs unless paired with a school-board mailer.
Illinois Legislature Honors Durbin With Ceremonial 44-Year Roll Call
Clerks issued commemorative patience badges after the first 600 names were read into a microphone nobody adjusted.
Alabama Asks Justices To Approve Map With Built-In GOP Lane
State lawyers reportedly labeled the disputed district lines “heritage squiggles” and placed them in a velvet binder.
White House Moves Camp David Meeting After Iran Peace Forms Request Fluorescents
The mountains reportedly failed a readiness inspection after producing one lectern and zero laminated escape arrows.
White House Reclassifies Camp David as Too Outdoorsy for Iran Talks
Cabinet secretaries were reportedly issued fresh lanyards after the Situation Room rejected their pine-scented briefing folders.
Senate Prepares Paxton Welcome Packet Printed Entirely On Trump Letterhead
The orientation binder reportedly contains a committee map, three loyalty tabs, and a tiny court clerk bell.
White House Keeps Tariffs As Trade Agreement’s Decorative Border Wall
The pact will reportedly be honored in the traditional way: framed, ignored, and billed to customs.
Senate Treats Canadian Tourism Expo As New NATO Front
Diplomats reportedly secured the booth map before asking whether China controlled the lanyards.