NATO Ministers To Receive Trump Disappointment In Laminated Alliance Folders
Rubio will reportedly deliver the message using the ceremonial binder reserved for budget threats and awkward lunch seating.
Ex-White House Lawyers Prompt New Oval Office Abuse Sign-Out Sheet
The form requires two signatures, one court citation, and a small box labeled “probably China.”
Senate GOP Drops Ballroom Security After Velvet Rope Scores Higher
A draft memo found the rope cheaper than cameras and less likely to testify in court.
Judge Orders White House To Stop Filing History Under Miscellaneous
Staff reportedly responded by labeling every drawer “presidential-ish” and asking the Senate for a receipt stamp.
Senate Finds White House Ballroom Security Optional If Velvet Rope Works
A draft memo suggests the chandelier can be protected by asking democracy to dance elsewhere.
Democrats Introduce Cuba Leash Bill After White House Buys Bigger Map
The proposed restraint mechanism includes a Senate timer, a court-adjacent clipboard, and sternly worded snacks.
Senate Advances Iran War Brake, Finds Pedal Under Committee Binder
The measure would require the White House to pause long enough for Congress to remember where it stored war powers.
NATO Issues Trump Reliability Index Ahead of Rubio Anxiety Tour
European diplomats will now be briefed using a color-coded chart ranging from “Article 5” to “please check Truth Social.”
Senate Advances Form Requiring Trump To Requisition Iran Hostilities
The chamber’s new policy would classify unauthorized escalation as a paperwork spill requiring immediate committee towels.
White House Orders Cadets To Treat Vance Speech As Flight Training
The Class of 2026 will log one hour of simulated turbulence after encountering the civilian chain of command at cruising altitude.